Day 44 Post II

After the November election was over I was left with mixed feelings. I had mixed feelings about my country and about my fellow Californians. On that night we as a country did an amazing thing. We elected a non-Caucasian man to the office of President. I can’t say that I was surprised, at times leading up to the election, it seemed as the Republicans had lost total faith in their party and was handing it over to the Democrats.

This though did seem to inspire some hope that things would turn around and this country would be on a better path.

But in that same moment, those moments of hope, I felt a sense of loss and complete sadness in the passing of Prop 8.

The passing of Prop 8. The passing of a change to the constitution against a minority of people. Something growing up in Oklahoma, in a middle class, white family I never thought of myself: a minority. Much less thought I would ever have to experience. Having the will of someone who doesn’t even know you, has never met you, and has no idea what it is to be you, decide something for you. Something that takes away a privilege that they take for granted and treat without respect every day. And why is this? Because some religious bag of wind stood in front of them and told them to vote this way? That if it didn’t pass it would be a threat to them? That my husband and I being joined in the union of marriage is going to be a threat to their children, their faith, they way of life.

At first I got upset, to the point where I was ready to write everyone from the President down. I was going to join anti-Prop 8 groups. I was going to be active in getting this changed. Then I sat back and thought about it. What was I going to be fighting for? This contact that two people signed called marriage. I witnessed my parent’s marriage. It wasn’t the most desired thing. There were many times I believed my mom should have left my dad and vice versa, but they wouldn’t and couldn’t! Why? Because of being married! The mess the divorce would have caused. There was financial ruin and the reputation among the community. It seemed like marriage was a dilemma through and through.

Then something came to me.

Was this something I really wanted? Not really. I am afforded by the State of California a Domestic Partnership that gives me the same rights that heterosexual couples have. But if something should go sour and my partner and I should see the need to break this union, we don’t have the mess of a divorce to tend with. This seems like a positive to me. This seems to leave out a lot of the stress and headache that can come with marriage.

From the time I was able to stand, I have always tried to locate myself just outside of the circle of the norm. I didn’t much like following the crowd and being part of the status quo. This fighting for something that everyone else has seems a lot like the status quo to me. I know some may argue that it is a civil right that we are being denied. And that I can agree with. But this is one civil right I don’t mind fighting for at this time. We are living in a world where our economic foundation is cracking under us. We have no universal health care. Crime is out of control. Our ecosystem is in need of some serious TLC. Children are starving and dying in parts of the world. Some places don’t even have clean water to drink. I think my concern, energy and resources can be put to better causes than worrying whether or not I can get married!