Moved Over To a New Blog...

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The Red Rocks...

On a warm spring evening the rocks atop Corona Heights glow in a warm red. The sun reflects off the windows across the bay like diamonds on the hills. The breeze is cool and constant as it comes in off the Pacific Ocean. The city is a bustle winding up the beginning of another week. I reflect on my thoughts of the day. There weren't any deep thoughts worth writing down.
Facing my faults and acquiring the tools necessary to change them is a difficult thing. I thought I was happy with myself, but I realize I was only partially happy. I have this image of the kind of person I believe and want to be, but I have not taken the steps to get there. I need to work on my compassion and empathy for others. Especially those less fortunate. I want to find my true inner self. I think I am almost there, I just have a corner to round.

Tough Times...

There are times in your life when challenge after challenge are presented. One can either stand up to the challenge and see the positive that comes from it. Or one can let the challenge completely break him down and destroy all that you have worked for. 

The recent events that shown me that even though I may have made advances in the type of person I have become, I have still not achieved what I believe is to be the true me. 

I want to learn daily compassion for all people I come into contact with daily. I want to do something daily that leaves society and humanity a little better than it was when the day began. I wish to understand my place in the world and to be completely happy with myself. I am almost there, but there is a lot more that I can do. I have debated starting to practice Zen Buddhism. But I wonder if I have the patience and self control to keep with it. I know that I need to start daily mediations. I need to learn to let my thoughts flow without impeding them and trying to make conclusions with each one of them. 

I do know that I want to lead a simpler life. I want to rid myself of all my material wants. I want to learn true love. But the first thing I need to do is eliminate the "want" comments in my life. 

This week I will start therapy. 

This week I will find a Buddhist center that will start my training to Zen Buddhism. 

This week I will re-focus my focus on school and completing the semester strong. 

This week I will re-write my resume and start looking for a position with a company that will go along with my education. 

This week I will set up a plan to find a new place to live, and new place that will bring stability and happiness to Bella, Tucker, and myself. 

One day I will forgive Shando and maybe one day we can be friends...but for now, it is too painful. Reconstructing my dreams and goals are difficult and painful without him in them. But in time, that pain will be gone. 

The healing begins with this blog. 

SF Zoo

Little List of Goals for MMXI

I. Transfer to University.
II. Meet Tiffany and Bill in Las Vegas in the spring.
III. Get motorcycles license.
IV. Purchase a motorcycle.
V. A week vacation in the tropics.
VI. By Nov. 15, 2011: have $5000+ in CD.
VII. Have a savings with at least $4500 by December 31, 2011.
VIII. Finish furnishing our house by March.
IX. Take up a regular outdoor hobby.
X. Start plans towards house buying a house in 4-6 years.

Essay Four

Travis J. Holasek

15 November 2010

Non Verbal Communication Used by the LGBT Community

Most heterosexual men would think nothing of putting a yellow handkerchief in their back right pocket before leaving the house. But if this man was to walk into certain neighborhoods in San Francisco they might be approached and asked if they were into water sports. If the man was to answer yes, then he might be asked which water sports he preferred. The man asking the question doesn’t care about things like wake boarding or surfing. Since the man is wearing a yellow hanky in his right pocket the man asking the questions is going to assume that he is a piss bottom. A piss bottom is a person that has a fetish in which they like be urinated on. So what has happened here? The heterosexual man has unknowingly signaled a sexual fetish by the color of the handkerchief and the pocket it was worn in. This use of non-verbal communication has been used for decades among the LGBT community. The displaying of a colored hanky has served as a means to identify sexual fetishes. But more importantly it has served as a means of safe communication between individuals within the gay community.

Homosexuality has been the source of discrimination in the United States. Before the US Supreme Court struck down the sodomy laws in Texas with the 2003 Lawrence v Texas ruling, many states had laws that prohibited sexual acts between members of the same sex. According to the web site, United States Sodomy Laws, prior to 2003, the conviction for sodomy could range from high fines to life imprisonment. An even worse threat though would come from individuals who had a strong dislike for members of the gay community. Cases of violence against members of the gay community involve “... torture, cutting, mutilation... showing the absolute intent to rub out the human being because of his (sexual) preference (Altschiller 28). It is obvious for this reason that a means of communication was needed to protect individuals who identified as gay. This could be a means of communication that allowed men to identify sexual preferences. But more importantly it identified their belonging within the gay community.

The first code used in modern history came out of New York in the 1950’s (Stryker, Van Buskirk 18). Gay men used their keys to signal their sexual identity and sexual preference. If a man wore the keys clipped into the belt loop, it was a signal to other gay men that he was also gay. And depending on which side he wore them on, it signaled if he was a top or bottom and if he had a place where he could host or not. This was a simple and easy way for men to pick up other men for sex without raising suspicion. But as time went on, gay men realized that they needed a more multifaceted code system. The key code practice has all but died out and starting to be replaced in the 1970’s by the hanky code.

The history of the start of the hanky code has two different theories. The first theory states that it originated in San Francisco after the Gold Rush. Because there was a shortage in women, when men wanted to dance, they had to dance with each other. In order to determine the dancing roles, the man who wanted to lead would wear a blue bandanna and the men who wanted to follow would wear a red bandanna. These were usually worn around the arm or hanging from the belt or in the back of one’s jeans (18). It can be hypothesized that the positions where the bandannas were worn may have led to three other non verbal gay codes in sub groups within the LGBT community. The wearing of the bandanna around the arm could have inspired the wearing of the arm bands used in the gay Leather Community. Hanging the bandanna around the belt loop could have led to the key code used in the 1950’s. And finally, the wearing of the bandanna in the rear pocket could have influenced the 1970’s hanky code.

The second theory comes from the 1970’s. It is said that a journalist for the Village Voice wrote an article joking about replacing the key code with a more efficient hanky code (18). The article was originally written in a sarcastic manner, but the gay community took the idea and those in New York headed down to the surplus store on the corner of Christopher and Washington Streets to buy color-coded Levi’s bandannas (Gage, Richards, Wilmot 82). This code soon spread to other parts of the United States and eventually around the globe. It is not as strong as it once was but it is still in practice and I believe it is making resurgence with a younger generation of gay men.

There are a number of advantages to the use of the hanky code. Prior to 2003 this served as a way for members of the community to communicate with each other without attracting unwanted attention. The hanky code also allowed men to easily identify potential partners. Wearing a hanky was given the term flagging. One of the advantages of flagging is that it could protect individuals by pointing out potentially dangerous men. If a man was in an area known as a place where men cruised for sex and he was not flagging, gay men knew to be wary of this individual. This shows the advantage of a communication style that is not understood by those outside the group and would serve as a means of protection.

The hanky code is lengthy and a chart has been made that helps to explain the different colors and their meaning. According to the hanky code on Leathernjonline, a white hanky can signal an individual is searching for a partner into safe sex. Personally I flag an argyle hanky in my right pocket. This means that I am interested in gay geeks and nerds. The list has over fifty colors and their meanings.

The colors of the hanky code are extended to ways of communication between members of the LGBT community. The color meaning of the code is used within several sub-groups of the LGBT community. Gay Punks signal their sexual fetishes by communication through the colors of the laces in their combat boots or the color of the suspenders (also called braces) that they wear. Usually the colors in the hanky code have the same meaning as the lace and brace codes. But this code is not used as widely as the hanky code. This is due to the possible confusion with the colors and the codes use by skinheads. Many of the color meanings for skinheads refer to some violent act or crime that the skinhead has engaged in. It is apparent why this type of code isn’t as widely used.

In the Leather community there is the practice of wearing leather arm bands. The armbands are one to two inch strips of leather that is worn just above the bicep. An article in the Apex News in January 2008 reports that “armbands worn on the left indicate a more dominant role and the submissive role is indicated by wearing the armband on the right arm”. One of the reasons this code was developed is that it makes hooking up in the noisy and crowded bars and clubs easier. It doesn’t have the same communication uses that the hanky code had as a means of personal protection.

The final non-verbal communication individuals within the community use are tattoos. There are a lot of symbols that both men and women in the LBGT community have tattooed. According to the Origins of Gay & Lesbian Symbols web page, the labrys, or double headed axe, is a symbol that some gay women get. The symbol is a non-verbal way gay women show that she believes in lesbian and feminist pride. The lambda (λ) was originally chosen by the Gay Activists Alliance of New York in 1970. In 1974 the symbol was adopted as the international symbol for gay and lesbian rights by the international Gay Rights Congress. Individuals in the LGBT community may get a tattoo of this symbol to show their belief in LGBT rights. Finally the tattoo of a bear paw is commonly used by individuals who identify with the Bear community. This symbol comes from a portion of the flag created by Craig Byrnes. According to the web page, History of the Bear Flag, Byrnes is credited with the creation of the International Bear Brotherhood Flag. This is a way that individuals in the LGBT community have tattooed symbols that are universally used to identify a belonging to a sub-group in the LGBT community. Using this form of non-verbal communication can make connecting with like minded members easier. It also serves as a way to identify with a social group and gain a sense of belonging.

There are several other ways gay men have used to identify themselves by means of non-verbal communication. According to one source, Body Modification Ezine,

“Beginning in the late 1960's and continuing until the early 1980's, gay men

would signify to one another that they were gay by wearing an earring in their right ear. This practice faded away during the 1980's as piercing became more and more popular with both gay and straight men who began piercing not just one but, in many cases, both ears so that today the distinction is essentially meaningless”.

This also is true for most forms of tattoos in the U.S. and western nations. No special significance as to sexual orientation or sexual proclivities is given to either men or women solely based upon the fact that they are pierced or tattooed on any particular part of the body. But if you were to venture into a gay bar or club, some of these practices can still be perceived as having a special significance. Especially if you have a tattoo of one of the symbols previously mentioned.
            With the invention of the Internet and social networking sites there has become less of a need to find others that share your particular sexuality or fetish wearing a hanky or tattooing a symbol. There are specific web sites such as Recon that allows members to connect with others who are interested in the same things they are. It has specific listings for those interested in boots, punks, water sports, sports gear, and many more. The Internet has made it not only easier but also a bit safer for individuals to feel a belonging to a certain group or sub-culture. These forms of communication are still practiced during the street fairs like Folsom Street Fair and Up Your Alley. There are also certain clubs that are located in the SOMA neighborhood that cater to those individuals that still like to flag or wear armbands. The use of the hanky code may not still have the social implications that it did in the 1970’s, but it still serves to distinguish and separate groups within society. So next time you leave the house, you might think twice before placing that hanky in your back pocket. Otherwise you might be communicating your interest to participate in a certain kinky fetish.

Mid-October...

I really need to get back to writing on a regular basis. I might need to work on some subjects to write about, then blog them on here.

Sad news from the other day. We lost Ellen DeGee, she passed away on the morning of October 13, 2010. She got really sick and started losing a lot of weight. I tried everything to make her better, but lost the battle. It was sad to see her get so bad and I felt horrible. I still get a little teary when I think about it. I always need to remind myself though, that they are small little creatures with a short life span. And that she provided a ton of laughs and smiles while she was alive.

RIP Ellen, we loved you.
Shando, Travis, Tucker, Bella, and your cage-mate Lucy Lu.