Tough Times...

There are times in your life when challenge after challenge are presented. One can either stand up to the challenge and see the positive that comes from it. Or one can let the challenge completely break him down and destroy all that you have worked for. 

The recent events that shown me that even though I may have made advances in the type of person I have become, I have still not achieved what I believe is to be the true me. 

I want to learn daily compassion for all people I come into contact with daily. I want to do something daily that leaves society and humanity a little better than it was when the day began. I wish to understand my place in the world and to be completely happy with myself. I am almost there, but there is a lot more that I can do. I have debated starting to practice Zen Buddhism. But I wonder if I have the patience and self control to keep with it. I know that I need to start daily mediations. I need to learn to let my thoughts flow without impeding them and trying to make conclusions with each one of them. 

I do know that I want to lead a simpler life. I want to rid myself of all my material wants. I want to learn true love. But the first thing I need to do is eliminate the "want" comments in my life. 

This week I will start therapy. 

This week I will find a Buddhist center that will start my training to Zen Buddhism. 

This week I will re-focus my focus on school and completing the semester strong. 

This week I will re-write my resume and start looking for a position with a company that will go along with my education. 

This week I will set up a plan to find a new place to live, and new place that will bring stability and happiness to Bella, Tucker, and myself. 

One day I will forgive Shando and maybe one day we can be friends...but for now, it is too painful. Reconstructing my dreams and goals are difficult and painful without him in them. But in time, that pain will be gone. 

The healing begins with this blog.